


Wishing for time

by annoyedraccoon



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Superpowers, angsty i guess, not really but jean has time-traveling powers-ish, so a bit timey-whimy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-31
Updated: 2014-05-31
Packaged: 2018-01-27 16:10:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1716689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annoyedraccoon/pseuds/annoyedraccoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean could stop time whenever he felt like it. No, Scratch that. Whenever he was 'allowed'. Honestly, being able to time travel wasn't at all what it was cracked up to be in sci-fi fiction. It was much lamer. And Jean never really found a good use for it, and doubted he ever would, because he had to follow the main rule: "You cannot change a fate."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wishing for time

**Author's Note:**

> (sorry for the lame-ass title hehe) Well, i just sorta thought "yo imagine Jean as a time-traveler" and this happened. I'm not sure about it really, but I thought I might as well post it since it's been sitting in my folders for a while. If you read it, please enjoy thank you!

“We aren’t gods. We aren’t time travelers. We cannot change fate.”

I repeated the phrases my superior officers pounded into my head from day one. I was a learner. I wouldn’t use time for selfish gains. Blah, blah, blah.

I was just leaving a meeting with my superior, Levi and the others like me, and I was feeling tired from the groggy, cloudy day. I wasn’t even given an assignment today; why the heck did I have to go? Most of the time when they called in for me, they had something for me to do. My tasks were very simple ones, best for my crappy abilities. The ones I hoped to be able to do one day were like going to important points in history and spectating what happens. But those were risky even for experienced people like Levi. That, and I couldn’t even do that yet. I wasn’t a very good time traveler.

As I walked back out on the city streets from the shabby building disguising our current base, I thought about the words I’d repeated. They made perfect sense to me, although I wished I could you know, rob a bank or something without guilt. Because I totally could.

Still, I understood our rules just fine. Levi was the one that found me around a year ago and explained everything to me. About that weird power I was born with. And he told me not to mess with time unless directed to (by the agency I was kind of forced to join) or in absolute emergency. And the emergency could only be for yourself. Number one rule, as Levi put it: Don’t play hero.

See, certain people were born with abilities to alter time. It was a well-kept secret covered by the government. God help us if the public received information. Life as we know it could change constantly with misuse of the power. That’s why talented users become trackers and find us before we get intelligent with it and become corrupt.

And God knows why I had time manipulation capabilities. I was as average as a person could come. I was born to a mother and father, sent to high school, got good grades, graduated, went to a state college. No one would guess what I was hiding. And my powers didn’t change much for me.

When you read fiction novels, there was always some ‘enemy’ or ‘antagonist’ that the ‘protagonist’ got to conquer, and get stronger, learn lessons, etc. I didn’t have any of that. The only difference I really got was I was able to avoid bad conflicts by time traveling. I’ll admit, I cheated on my fair share of tests with it, too.

Altering small things wasn’t as big of a deal. Especially if it was for yourself. One thing that the agency has come to understand is that problems don’t occur when you alter only your own life. Likely because it’s what you’re meant to do anyway, being born with abilities. We shouldn’t have gotten these properties for nothing.

People’s powers could vary, too. Of course, someone like Levi, was capable of practically anything, from time leaping to freezing to repeating, since he’s been trained. Me? I could freeze time. That’s about it. On occasion, I accidentally saw a person’s entire past and bits of their future. Not mine though, which is what would be useful. Yeah, seeing a stranger’s life story was such great fun. Mostly only gave me a bad headache.

Levi said understanding the future was dangerous, because it changes your current feelings. Worrying about the future is something we do, and if you know your results and it’s not to your liking, you start trying to prevent it or give up completely. Your results, most likely, get even worse. I guess I got it, but I’d still like to know I didn’t end up with a useless or boring or failed life. So far, it was looking like that. I guess having cool powers didn’t also grant you a cool life. How lame.

The whole thing was so official and professional it wasn’t a big deal. All the contracts and lessons and assignments, nothing about it seemed magical like it used to. It was much more interesting when I knew nothing about it as a little kid. I couldn’t use it too much back then, though.

Our superiors taught us how to better control our powers, since often times they would go out of whack and start doing stuff without consent. My friend Marco said he woke up from a nap once and found himself ten years in the future. Practically gave him a heart attack, the poor guy. I still laughed when he told me.

For me, sometimes the world would freeze around me and I wouldn’t be able to undo it for a while. It was the worst when I was talking to someone, since I have to stay in the same position until time starts again.

It was really awkward when I was standing with my high school girlfriend Sasha one time, and she blinked to find I was ten feet away from her suddenly. It took some explaining. In the end, she broke up with me.

Actually, the last time I froze reality was a week before now, when I was walking through the city and well, the crowds of people were getting annoying. I was beginning to feel claustrophobic in the close proximities. It was a sunny day and I was sweaty and tired and just wanted to go the hell to sleep.

 So, I used all my willpower, and thank the gods above, I felt the familiar tug in the back of my head. The sensation was like I was mentally holding on to some heavy burden. But the people around me stopped walking mid step. A flock of birds above me ceased their flight in midair. The breeze stopped ruffling my hair. My ears rang as resonances ceased to be made.

I was alone in my own world, not turning. A frozen one.

Time completely stopped.

I was careful. I poked through the crowd and emerged out on the street, where cars had stopped rolling. I was careful not to touch anything or anyone or make a sound.

It freaks people out sometimes when we are moving in this dimension. People aren’t aware of us, no, but they may hear the echo of a voice, or feel something brush their shoulder. Some people even think they see us. It’s what people believe to be ghosts. Frankly, I didn’t want to be creepy myself.

The other problem faced with touching is you can unstop someone. You don’t have to be alone in this realm, but it was outlawed to do it. We don’t want to involve outside people in this strange occurrence, because it’s an idea they cannot fathom. After someone’s seen it who wasn’t born with it, we have to go through some complicated past alterations to undo the blunder and crap. It wasn’t fun. I knew that it would probably take a lot for a novice like me to do it, but I didn’t want to risk it happening.

So I strolled through the soundless scape at a brisk pace. Sometimes the unmoving faces and absolute silence got eerie and creepy. I didn’t want to go crazy in a separate dimension. And finally, I was on my street by my dorm building. I made sure there weren’t inert pedestrians nearby, and shut my eyes.

The impression of letting something go ceased my brain and I heard life rearing back into gear around me. Birds chirped again, car engines bellowed again, and people walked again. As if nothing ever happened. Yeah, I wasn’t a god or anything, but I always felt a strange dominance that none of these people are aware of what I did. A smile still found my lips.

That was a week ago, and I reported to my superiors I did it, so that was my last ‘recorded’ action. To be honest, there was a really short one that I hadn’t completely meant to do after that, only a few days ago.

I was in my huge psychology class at college, jotting down my notes. But I could hear some guy behind me that kept humming, like an _entire song_ , to himself. God, was it annoying. I didn’t get how no one else found it obnoxious. I turned back and told him to shut up, but he didn’t.

It was some pretty olive-skinned boy with big eyes and a stupid cheeky smile. He looked younger than me with his shaggy chestnut hair, and apparently acted like it too, as he grinned at me in reply and continued humming. Didn’t he realize he was in college, not freaking high school?

“Seriously dude.” I hissed to him, irritation coloring my voice. “Shut. Up.”

He beamed again. “Make me.”

Here was my bad move. In that instant my brain lurched and I stopped time again. The student’s pencils quit writing, the teacher went silent, and the roar of an air condition died away. I didn’t have to worry about it getting hot, because nothing about your physique changed in the stop.

But, you could knock into someone and they’ll have to feel it afterwards. And I knew I wouldn’t wake him with my low experience.

I stood up and strode to the row the guy was at. As I looked at his face for a moment, I noticed he was actually pretty cute. His eyes were a vivid green next to his frozen smile. But now was not the time to admire him. Currently, he was frustrating me. In a forbidden but _so_ satisfying move, I drew back my hand and smacked him as hard as I could in the back of the head. He didn’t budge, but I knew the moment time started again it would definitely hurt.

So I sat back down in my seat, found the position I was sitting in before the stop, and pulled time back into motion.

Immediately the guy yelped in pain, loud enough for the kids around to look at him, and he grabbed the back of his head, rubbing it fiercely. I smiled knowingly and he noticed, frowning in fear.

“What the hell?” He exclaimed. “What did you—”

“Excuse me,” The teacher interrupted from the front of the class, making humming boy go red in the cheeks, “but could you hold conversation until after class, thank you.”

Justice. Everything according to plan, the guy’s mood was obviously downturned and he looked incredibly embarrassed. I turned back in my seat and continued taking notes, and I didn’t have to listen to his well-tuned humming any longer, although I felt his eyes burning the back of my head the rest of class. Now _I_ sort of felt like humming.

He ran up to me after class ended and followed me into the hall, with a guitar case swung over his back. He looked especially upset.

“What the hell was that?” He said as he matched my pace. “Did you throw something at me?”

“What?” I asked innocently, but I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. “What’re you talking about?”

“M-my head...It was...” His eyes were wide as if he was understanding something, but then he looked around timidly and groaned. “Ugh. Never mind, horse face.”

I scrunched my eyebrows at him. “What the fuck did you just call me?”

“You’re face.” He said with an impish smirk. “Ever notice it’s kinda shaped like a horse’s? Like, do you have equestrian genes or something?”

All right. Let’s never again mention I thought he was cute.

“Shut up, pretty boy.” I grumbled. “I really don’t care about your judgment.”

He laughed and started walking down a different hall, yelling back “See ya next week, Jean!”

It came to my attention he knew my name, while I didn’t know his. Maybe he'd paid attention to me before or something. But all in all, I wasn’t looking forward to my next psychology classes.

That was Thursday. Today was a quiet, gloomy Sunday, and as I walked back to what I called home, I felt the tickle of rain drops. Well great. Like this walk could get any more excruciating. It quickly accelerated into a steady pour and the prepared people around me starting whipping out umbrellas. I didn’t even have a hood today. Woe is me.

In all honesty, I really craved to have some direction in my life. Everything I did felt so unimportant, insignificant. My life didn’t feel like it was worth anything. I only had a couple friends, my family was pretty distant since my mom past away, and I didn’t have some awesome talent or personality that distinguished me from other people. I was your average kid, without goals and too much of a cowardly bastard to make one.

I thought maybe I’d find some path after I found the agency. So far, it helped a little. It gave me something to look forward to. I liked Marco and my superior Levi was pretty cool. But they didn’t really need me there. Levi treated me as if I was an important individual, but it was probably an act. And Marco had a lot going for him. If anything, I’d drag him down with my ridiculous pessimism. I was a replaceable person even there.

I considered freezing time now so I could walk home without getting soaked to the bone, but I was sure Levi would find out about my slipup with humming boy and already be angry about that. I shouldn’t start overusing my powers with that under my belt.

So I trudged along the now emptying sidewalks and streets, the storm making the city misty and wash away the icky smell of pollution and gases that cities always had. In the end, the rain wasn’t too bad after all. I was reminded of my days in my smaller hometown for a little bit, where the lake always left it smelling fresh and natural.

I stopped at an intersection and waited for the little stick man streetlight to tell me I could cross. I was alone on the street now, besides a girl taking shelter out of the rain by a coffee shop entrance. She was harmlessly playing a violin for tips. She wasn’t bad. And my surroundings looked gray and shiny from the summer showers. Stupid rain and violin. Making me feel all thoughtful and melancholic.

I turned my head to the walkway across from my current one, empty of traffic. One person stood alone on the other side, just getting the green light to cross from his sidewalk. With a start I realized it was humming boy. He was walking across the street now.

He didn’t have his guitar with him. He had ear buds stuffed in his ears and was wearing a dark purple hoodie, but the dork didn’t even have his hood up. He picked up his head and caught me looking, blinking at me in surprise. I thought for a moment to offer a wave, and he seemed as if he was going to come talk to me.

But then my heart stopped.

I heard the sound of a large vehicle moving very fast. A bus was rushing down the road, splashing everything around it. It was headed for the humming kid. It wasn’t slowing down.

Holy shit, it was hydroplaning.

That bus wouldn’t be stopping. It was going to—Oh god. Oh _shit_. It was going to hit him. It was going to hit him head on.

I locked eyes with the kid for a moment, still unaware of the approaching traffic and then, within milliseconds, it happened again. Before I could move, I saw a life flash before my eyes.

 _His_ entire life.

I saw the humming boy as a kid, no older than four, with a mother that resembled him and a tall, kind father. He whined as his mother pinched his ear, scolding playfully. _I can tell when you’re lying sweetie...you were fighting the other kids today weren’t you..._

The images formed to him a little older, with a small blond boy and a girl with beautiful dark hair. They were laughing, and saying his name, but I couldn’t tell what it was.

Flashing through more years, I watched him age. I saw him sobbing as a ten year old at a funeral. “ _My mom...It can’t...She’s gone...?!”_ His cries echoed through my brain, breaking my heart with his weeping.

Middle school age, he was playing a guitar in front of the friend—No, it was more now. She was his girlfriend. She wore a red scarf he had given her as a present. She giggled as he messed up a chord. He didn’t know much anymore, but he knew cared for this girl more than anything.

Now in high school, he had many more people surrounding him. He’d been able to move on from his mother’s death through music and his friends. He had something to live for. He wanted to see the world, and get inspired and inspire. He had huge dreams. Beautiful dreams. He did a performance of a song he wrote himself, in front of the whole school. He’d performed countless times since then...But, man, had he been nervous. His legs were shaking horribly. Yet his voice and guitar were one, portraying his thoughts in a way that got everyone watching on their feet, applauding, cheering...He’d never felt better before. _“This is what I’m meant for...” “My mom would be so happy...”_

I saw his relationship with his girlfriend deepen, kissing her slowly under a mistletoe in winter. _Mikasa._ He was still close to that blond boy, too. They still went on bike rides in the warm summers. _Armin_. Other names appeared in my head as faces flashed by, faces important to him. _Mina, Reiner, Annie, Bertholdt, Thomas..._

He graduated high school, their hats flying up in the air in celebration. He his dreams grew and grew. _“I’m going to the city.””...I’m going to go to college...” “I’ll go to college but I’ll keep playing....”_

Mikasa was crying. She clutched the red scarf and muttered words of farewell. They wouldn’t be able to see each other...and long distance never lasted...They were going separate ways.

Breaking up.

 _“I-I’ll always remember you....” “I-I love you too...” “..I’ll always remember you...” “...I love you...”_ The words repeated themselves like he turned them over in his head, over and over again so he didn’t forget. It was his clearest memory.

All these big events passed by, and momentarily they paused, and I saw different images. An older boy, with the same dark hair and green eyes. An older version of him.

I was seeing his future.

He was playing his guitar on a big stage, with endless crowds cheering below him. People screaming his name yet I still couldn’t catch it. He sang in his beautiful voice, as striking as his face. He’d made it big. He’d achieved it. His dreams came true; he was stimulating the world. His friends were proud, he still kept contact with Armin and Mikasa...

And suddenly he turned to see another face, watching him proudly... and it was... _me_.

I saw myself...Me? I was in his future? There was no way...

But it was. He was with me. I came into his life more than our classes later on. He would follow me out of class every week. Drag me along to his stupid adventures. He loves pissing me off.

I saw him—I saw him holding me on a park bench. Freaking cuddling in his dorm like lovesick fools, watching stupid 80s movies with nothing better to do. He plays a song on a piano in front of me, but I couldn’t hear it with the chaos of memories enticing my head. But he was grinning, and I was laughing at him.

I watched myself waking up in his tanned arms, our hair messy. He planted a kiss on my forehead. Looking at me with large, loving eyes...He’d move on from his high school sweetheart. He’d meet a boy in college he despises at first, but then sees this guy’s world and his life changes. He had someone new to sing about. A beautiful person. He loves him.

He would come to _love_ me. Maybe the first person to ever do so. He would give me the purpose I’d always wanted.

And abruptly, it blacked out. I could practically hear the tear.

That future being stripped away.

That was no longer his fate.

His life was ending this next second.

I screamed when I was back in the real world. The bus was moving. The humming boy was in the way.

Shit. It was happening too fast. I needed time.

God I was an idiot. _Time_.

The fastest I think I’d ever done it before, I made the world freeze again.

I fell to my knees as I did it, a throbbing migraine stabbing my head from commanding reality to stop so quickly. I took in some deep breaths. I had to calm down. If I lost control I’d never unfreeze time for myself.

I composed myself and stood up again, staring at the rain stationary in the air. The drops looked different when they weren’t falling. Each droplet suspended like little sparkling saucers. Mist hung heavily in the sky. It would’ve been interesting if someone else wasn’t my priority.

I stared at the boy as I rushed toward him. The bus was only around a foot away from collision. I barely made it.

He still was unsure of the impending doom beside him. He’d been looking at me. Oh god, this was practically my fault. That—and the idiot had music playing so loud he couldn’t hear the traffic.

Was he going to fall in love with _me_?

I watched his face for a moment, remembering the future I saw. His wonderful future. And we had a future, too. But I knew that was killed. This boy was as good as gone. I was only postponing it.

How could that be? He had so much in front of him, so much reason to live. How could fate just rip that away from him now?

Friends...Family...Dreams...He had so much to lose. And they would be losing him too. And hell, as I saw it now... _I_ would be losing him.

And I didn’t even know his name.

I looked up at the unfallen rain dotting the world in specks of motionless gray. It sparkled in the unmoving light of the sun behind the colorless clouds.

Damn it all, I had to do something.

If I had this ability, why shouldn’t I dictate what to do with it?

I remembered something Marco told me once; _“It’s funny. We can even manipulate time, but it doesn’t change anything. Time always controls us.”_

Rule number one kept echoing in my head:

Don’t play hero.

Don’t play hero.

If I stopped this, it wouldn’t change his fate unless it received an equivalent exchange. It would delay the fate by at _most_ a day, or kill someone else in his stead. Death wanted to take someone this moment and it was going to. I didn’t want to be the reason someone here died. But both ways someone would, and it wouldn’t be their choice.

Except one. There was one person here who had the choice.

“Fuck it.” I cursed out loud. “Fuck it! I’ll play damned hero if I want! It’s my life!”

Okay, think. I remembered what Levi said, that you could unfreeze people with contact. The more intimacy it had, the stronger effect it would have. I thought of the most sensual thing I could do. I didn’t care if he was a stranger. I was once supposed to be with him some day anyway. Might as well.

I took his still face in my hands, pushing his hair out of his eyes, and claimed his lips in a kiss. I’d only kissed a couple people in my life, but this felt more nerve wracking yet relaxing than any other . Almost immediately I felt his body revert back to life in my arms, and his soft lips moved with mine. I actually lingered in the kiss with him, as the boy was still ignorant of what had occurred. But the rain still didn’t fall. The bus to my right still didn’t strike.

I did it. I brought him into the frozen realm with me.

I pulled away from him soon after he roused and he blinked at me and jumped back in shock.

He stuttered at me, his eyes looking between me and where I’d been standing a couple meters behind. “W-wha-? You were-You were right just...right t-there—wait...” He blushed and covered his mouth. “Did you just—?”

“No time to explain.” I said hastily, hating the fact I sounded like the stereotypical ‘come-with-me-if-you-want-to-live’. I took in the sound of his voice. It would be the last one I’d be hearing.

“What do you...” He looked around, realizing what was happening. That the rain wasn’t falling. He pushed some of his wet hair out of his face. “Hoooly shit. W..What is...this...?”

He poked a rain drop and his eyes seemed to dilate with interest. God, If only we could stay here forever. I would never get used to his curious face I was seeing. But then he turned to his left and saw the oncoming bus and gasped with a jolt.

“Oh god! Jesus, what the _fuck_? Jean, what is this? And why aren’t you answering me?” He shook my shoulders and I realized I’d been staring.

I shook my head and grabbed his arm, pulling him across the street to where I’d been standing before the time stop. Out of danger.

“Look. You can’t tell anyone about this. Not Armin. Not Mikasa. No one.”

He made a choking sound in surprise. “Hey how do you know—”

“Promise me you won’t!”

He blinked at me, his eyes still darting around at the sights of a motionless world. I wondered if he was going to resist. But finally, he nodded. “All right, all right. Can you just tell me what is—”

“No.” I confirmed, positioning him where I’d been standing by his shoulders. My heart was beginning to beat faster in my rib cage. It probably sensed my plan.

“Okay. Just...Just stay here, and don’t move. Everything will be back to normal in a second, okay?”

“But what is it right now, horse face?” He probed, grabbing me before I walked away again. I stared into his eyes, now appearing like a dull blue in the gray light. He was determined to get an answer I couldn’t give. There was a silence between us, a silence like I’d never felt before. The only sound to be heard was his unsteady breathing.

“Can you say my name again?” I whispered. My voice trembled. He stared at me in bewilderment, but when he saw I wasn’t joking he cleared his throat, looking up into my eyes.

“Jean. You’re Jean Kersteen, right?”

I smiled weakly and the mispronunciation of my last name. I didn’t really have the heart to correct him. I was simply basking in his beautiful face I never got to know.

“A-And yours?” I asked, my voice cracking. Dammit, I wasn’t going to start crying. I coughed to cover it and spoke in a lower voice. “Tell me your name; I don’t know it.”

His lips parted before he spoke, many emotions swirling in his face. Confusion, anger, hurt, and a strange longing that I didn’t quite understand.

“Eren.” He told me softly. “Eren Jaeger.”

I liked the name. It sounded nice.

“Eren Jaeger.” I repeated, inhaling slowly. “Well Eren, it was nice meeting you. Make this worth it, dammit. Make it big someday.”

“What the hell do you mean...?” He started asking, but I began walking back out into the road.

“H-Hey Jean, what’re...What are you doing?”

I kept walking, my legs shaking in fear. _Turn back!_ My body demanded, but I reiterated in my mind: _An equivalent trade. An equivalent trade. I have to._

“Jean! Jean, stop!”

I couldn’t turn back to him. As long as he stayed put...Tears started streaming down my face. Ugh, I couldn’t even go out like a man. Even now, I was a coward.

“Jean come back!” His voice was cracking as Eren shouted at me. “ _Stop_! You haven’t explained—!”

I found the spot Eren had been standing right in front of the advancing vehicle. Eren...I touched my lips where I’d kissed him. My arms quaked when I moved them.  
I turned around to gaze at Eren’s terrified face, wishing I had time to kiss him again. Wishing I had time to hear his songs, wishing I had time to hear him singing, laughing, talking...

I chuckled halfheartedly. _‘wishing I had time’_.

Here I had a world of endless time, and I couldn’t even use it.

What a shitty deal.

"Jean! Don't go!" Eren screamed. If only he'd been stupid enough to not realize what was happening. That would've been easier. "Don't do this!"

I watched Eren, standing in my place, as I stood in his. I couldn't follow his pleads. Eren had a life to continue. He'd have to make his dreams without me. To my left the bus’s headlights glared at me as if telling me, _'come on kid. Stop stalling. No backin’ out now'._

Eren was still screaming at me, but doing as I said and keeping his feet planted on the sidewalk. I let out a sigh.

It was time. No point in stalling.

I was going to take his place.

I shut my eyes and let go. The world pulled back into its turning cycle.

The natural reality.

I didn’t even have the chance to hear the sounds of the cars again. Or the music of that sorrowful violin, or showering of rain on the streets or Eren’s voice screaming my name.

I felt the deafening crash and everything went silent.

 

_We cannot change fate._

But maybe this had been my fate the whole time.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still a novice with writing but this was definitely fun to write!  
> If you're confused or enjoyed it or wish to yell at me, by all means comment or contact my tumdum! (serrie-smiles.tumblr.com) Thank you for reading! Give me any thoughts if you'd like!


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